


sleeping on my own

by amaelamin



Series: touch requests [7]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaelamin/pseuds/amaelamin
Summary: 'touch' request fill 7!->hyuckil + cuddling please! especially after hyuck said his habit is hugging taeil
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Series: touch requests [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695640
Comments: 26
Kudos: 298





	sleeping on my own

There is a shocking lack of fuss when Taeil and Donghyuck break up.

Donghyuck moves back into his old room with Johnny and Yuta awkwardly returns to Taeil upstairs feeling like the rug’s just been abruptly pulled out from under him. The rest of them watch helplessly as Taeil and Donghyuck throw themselves single-mindedly into their work; they forge determinedly ahead and carry on while the others secretly stumble and falter feeling the rift as keenly as if the breakup had happened to everyone else instead. In a way, it had. Nobody knows what to do.

“There are some things that are just not meant to happen,” Doyoung tells Taeyong in a hushed voice as they look at the sun and moon knocked harshly out of their usual orbits. “Someone needs to talk to them.”

“They don’t want to talk.” Taeyong says, resigned. So just like people everywhere when faced with something they cannot process, they try to ignore the painful news in the hopes that it will quietly go away on its own - they push it away into metaphorical drawers and cabinets until the doors are straining with the weight of everything unsaid.

Donghyuck does the same.

He doesn’t think about Taeil. He talks with consummate civility to Taeil only when he has to. He sees Taeil less and less until it’s all too easy to avoid him, and the fact that he hasn’t cried about it is something he takes a fierce pride in. He’s _dealing_ , and laughing on shows, executing perfect choreography. _Perfect choreography on stage and in life_ , he thinks. _The Haechan show must go on._

Johnny doesn’t buy it for a minute. Seeing Donghyuck in his own bed next to his every night once again is jarring, and he feels as tired as Donghyuck tries hard not to look - the stubborn pain of the people he loves affecting him secondhand. 

“Are you managing to sleep? You look exhausted.”

“I just need to sleep with somebody,” Donghyuck mutters an admission, getting under the blanket next to Johnny. “I can’t sleep alone.”

Johnny, however, is too big and too warm. It’s like sleeping next to a giant oven with arms.

Doyoung is too bony.

Taeyong’s feet are cold.

Mark won’t shut up.

Jungwoo wants to talk about Taeil.

Jaehyun won’t let him lie close enough.

Yuta is obviously out of the question as Taeil’s roommate. Donghyuck thinks it’s a pity - out of everyone he thinks Yuta would probably have been the best substitute because he possesses the same kind of intrinsic sympathy Taeil does.

So; Donghyuck gives up. Two years of falling asleep holding Taeil almost every single night has taken its toll and now it’s a dependency he will have to unlearn. In the meantime - copious amounts of coffee and extra pillows to fill out his bed. It helps, somewhat; he still wakes up too often during the night and takes too long to fall asleep, but he’s no stranger to working while dealing with a sleep debt. When it really gets too bad he slips into Doyoung’s bed despite getting jabbed by bony elbows and knees mid-sleep because Doyoung lets him cuddle as close as he needs with no questions asked. His façade (mostly) continues intact. 

One day Mark makes him a heart-healing playlist, as he calls it. Donghyuck rolls his eyes but accepts anyway knowing that Mark is sorry he can’t help much otherwise. It’s full of positive songs and aggressive music that Donghyuck can lose himself in when his thoughts and emotions get too loud, and Donghyuck listens with what he doesn’t realise is desperation when one song tells him that he will just need time _and the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams_.

He imagines that last line sung in Taeil’s voice.

Donghyuck checks the clock on his phone - just past two in the morning. Johnny is snoring softly in the next bed, and Donghyuck is starting to feel restlessly trapped in his own skin no matter how much he stretches and tries to relax and get comfortable. Time to go for a little walk around the dorm and maybe stare melancholy-ly out the living room window while bathed in metaphorically-apt moonlight like he’s the star of his own melodrama.

He pads into the kitchen, drinks some water. He feels a little like a thief, tiptoeing quietly around the dark apartment when he should be in bed - he used to do this when he was small, getting out of bed late at night just to sneak out into the living room for the thrill of doing something he shouldn’t and then racing back into bed minutes later smugly thinking of how he’d outwitted his parents.

Being out of bed after hours isn’t something exciting anymore, Donghyuck thinks sadly as he folds his knees to his chest on the sofa in the dark. Growing up is a scam.

He is about to take out his airpods and put Mark’s playlist on shuffle - he’ll never admit to Mark just how often he listens to it - when Taeil comes out of Doyoung’s room, and Taeil nearly drops his phone at the unexpected heart attack of seeing the shadowy lump of Donghyuck staring at him in shock from the sofa. 

Taeil puts one hand on his chest to calm himself down as Donghyuck curses his magnificently bad timing. What if he just makes a run for it? He can do it. He can just go, right now, and avoid this entire encounter. Taeil is too nice to leave without feeling like he has to say something, so it’s up to Donghyuck to save them both the awkwardness and grief. One foot on the floor - Donghyuck takes a deep breath.

“Hyuckie?”

Taeil’s voice reaches right into Donghyuck’s brain and turns all the other switches off. Donghyuck exhales shakily, unsure now if he can stand, much less escape back to his room. 

“What are you doing?”

“Can’t sleep,” Donghyuck manages to say, and he looks away before he can read the sad understanding on Taeil’s face. “But I’m going back in soon, just wanted - some water-”

Taeil isn’t moving. He’s just standing there, looking at Donghyuck, in his pajamas Donghyuck has seen a thousand times with his hair soft and fluffy after his bath like Donghyuck has seen a thousand times. Donghyuck knows exactly what his skin smells like, but Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do with the wave of defiant possessiveness that hits him. _Mine_ , his brain protests, refusing to accept reality.

Donghyuck realises he’s chewing on his bottom lip, and forces himself to stop. 

“How - how are you?” Taeil asks, and the both of them cringe at the question. 

“Great,” Donghyuck answers, sending a quick smile Taeil’s way. Taeil scoffs softly, but not at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck is so aware of Taeil that he doesn’t know what is considered normal behaviour anymore. He’s cold and he’s on fire at the same time, feeling his entire being down to his very molecules straining towards the man standing at the end of the sofa. 

Should he be angry? Should he be sad? Should he take a deep breath and force himself to be rational? Should he just stand, say goodnight, and go back to his own room?

Taeil doesn’t seem to know, either.

“Do you think maybe we made a mistake?” 

Donghyuck’s heart seizes within his chest. 

“At the time it made sense, but. Now,” the sofa dips slightly, and Donghyuck sees Taeil take a careful seat on the opposite end out of the corner of his eye. “Now I don’t know anymore. Not when it feels like this.”

Donghyuck keeps his face turned away, and he hates the fact that Taeil knows it’s because he’s tearing up. Taeil’s always been stupidly good at getting past his defences. 

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck whispers, hating the little spark of hope he feels in his chest. The breakup had been mutual - but all it took was two weeks of being apart to shatter his resolve and logic into pieces. 

“I-” Taeil starts and Donghyuck hears him inhale deeply. “I’m just wondering if maybe we were wrong. It - feels wrong.”

All Donghyuck wants to do is go to him in the seconds that tick past but he can’t move, so afraid he isn’t reading things right, so afraid of making the mistakes they had broken up in the first place to avoid.

“I’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted to hear from me,” Taeil says eventually at Donghyuck’s lack of response. He stands up. “I hope you’re doing okay. Doyoung - Doyoung tells me you’re not sleeping that well. I hope... that goes back to normal soon.”

Donghyuck, emotions whirling, doesn’t know if he feels more grateful or annoyed at Doyoung, his id and ego battling uselessly. He gives himself a mental shake at the quick fear that grips him at the knowledge Taeil is about to leave, and so Donghyuck makes his mouth form the words - he will give Taeil at least one bit of honesty tonight, in exchange for his. 

“I can’t sleep without you.”

Taeil breathes, eyes tracing Donghyuck’s face in the dark.

“Hyuckie,” Taeil whispers, so quiet that Donghyuck almost thinks he imagines it. 

Donghyuck watches Taeil put his phone down on the floor, and then take two small steps towards him. “Can I?”

Donghyuck nods, heart pounding. 

Taeil sits down carefully beside him, cupping Donghyuck’s face briefly as he gently thumbs away the unshed tears collected at the sides of his eyes; not lingering too long so he doesn’t embarrass Donghyuck. He wordlessly guides Donghyuck to lie down warm against him, arm wrapped around Donghyuck’s waist so that the sofa can accommodate the both of them. 

Donghyuck breathes out in shaky relief, held close to the body he knows almost better than his own, and grips on to Taeil’s arm tight in order to convey everything he wants to but can’t. He’s missed this. He’s _missed_ this, and he was so scared he’d never have it again.

“I don’t want to go on like this anymore,” Taeil breathes into Donghyuck’s hair. “I don’t care about what we said. We should be together and it’s so stupid that we’re not.”

Donghyuck turns impulsively in his arms, hiding his face in Taeil’s neck so the tears he’s obstinately kept in don’t show.

“I love you, Hyuckie,” Taeil mumbles against his forehead. “I don’t want to be without you. Please - can we-”

Donghyuck lifts his head blindly for a fervent kiss, and they stay like that for a long moment just breathing each other in and feeling the world slowly, gratefully, right itself again around them.

Doyoung is the first to find them in the morning when he steps out of his room to wash up. He nearly squeals in unexpected delight at the sight of them entangled on the sofa, both sleeping peacefully despite the cramped space, and rushes into Taeyong’s room to drag him blearily out of bed to see the good news. Taeyong blinks, vision blurry and seeing just general shapes, and Doyoung throws up his hands in exasperation before going back into his room to get Taeyong’s glasses. 

Taeyong puts them on, and this time he _does_ squeal.

It wakes Donghyuck up and he looks confused for a moment about where he is before he realises just whom he’s got his arms wrapped around; and then the heartbreakingly happy smile his puzzled expression melts into makes Taeyong squeal again. 

“Shh,” Donghyuck shushes his hyungs, watching Taeil sleep through all this like a log. “Don’t wake him up.”

“Okay,” Taeyong says in a tiny ecstatic voice. “Should I tell Yuta to pack up and move down here again? Please let me tell Yuta to pack up again.”

Donghyuck nods, still watching Taeil’s face. 

“How’d you sleep?” Doyoung asks in turn, having drifted close enough to run fond fingers through Donghyuck’s hair. 

“Good,” Donghyuck smiles. “Really good.”

*

**Author's Note:**

> (wow i had such a hard time writing this like okay message received no more hyuckil breaking up, ever.)
> 
> thank you for this request <3 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/haetsalmoonbit) / [cc](https://t.co/wABa3kxW2p?amp=1)


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